


Bronze

by Liron_aria



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hallucifer, Not A Fix-It, Sam Winchester Has Self-Worth Issues, Samulet (Supernatural), no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:48:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27239065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liron_aria/pseuds/Liron_aria
Summary: A terrible, terrible Samulet drabble set in S7, because I am a dragon of angst and pain, and my friends are just enablers.
Relationships: Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 36





	Bronze

**Author's Note:**

> Feed me your tears.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural. The CW does.

Lucifer’s tap-dancing on Sam’s brain, and Sam ignoring the hallucinations, _he is,_ but -

Suddenly, there's a glint of bronze on Dean’s chest. Sam's heart stops, because it couldn’t be - Dean couldn’t have found it, could he? Because last he checked, the amulet was in a hidden pocket in his duffel, but there it is, hanging against Dean’s chest like it belongs there.

(It does.)

And then Dean stands, and moves over to the trash can to throw away the wrapper from his dinner - and the amulet with it.

Sam has to bite down on his fist to keep the sob from bursting from his throat, because he’s been _trying_ , trying to be _good_ , to be _worthy_ , to prove to Dean he’s not a burden, not (still) a fuck-up, that Dean can count on him -

It’s a good thing he does, because the next thing he knows, Dean’s in front of him, shaking him, telling him whatever he’s seeing isn’t real. There’s no amulet on his chest.

(Dean looks so tired, dealing with his little brother’s crumbling sanity, another burden on his shoulders.)

Sam starts keeping the amulet in his pocket after that. Lucifer likes to make Dean wear it, likes to make Sam watch him throw it out, saying Sam’s pushed Dean past his breaking point. Sam clenches his fist around the amulet, the horns digging into his scar, the pain clearing his vision.

(Dean looks at him askance sometimes, but Sam’s _handling it_ , he just has to remember that Dean doesn’t wear the amulet anymore, hasn’t since Sam failed him so terribly three years ago.)

Sam clutches the amulet so often it starts to worry the skin of his palm until he bleeds. Sam swears internally, and rushes to clean his hand, grateful to see that there are just two small punctures from the amulet’s horns. He doesn’t even need to wrap his hand, just spread some Neosporin and slap on a band-aid.

it’s just a temporary measure, though (isn’t everything?) and pretty soon, the leather cord is stained and worn from how many times Sam’s washed it along with his hand, and blood cakes the crevices of the amulet where he hasn’t been able to wash it clean.

It makes sense, Sam thinks, that the symbol of his and Dean’s brotherhood becomes as tarnished has their real brotherhood, all because of him, his blood, his sin, his weakness marring it.

But he still clings to it like his saving grace - Dean is Stone Number One, and so is everything that anchors Sam to him.

(Dean finds out one night when Sam’s been clutching it through his nightmares, drops of blood staining his bed sheet, and the amulet hanging loosely from his hand. He stares at it, taking in the blood caked in the amulet’s valleys and the worn leather cord. He tries not imagine Sam reaching into the trash can, Sam hiding it from Dean all these years, Sam using it to ground himself through his hallucinations because he still believes - he doesn’t sleep that night.)

(And the next morning, when Sam looks at his chest and flinches, forcing back a noise of pain with a stuttered breath and digging in his pocket to make a fist, Dean clenches the steering wheel tighter, hating Lucifer, hating the world, hating _himself_.)

(The brothers drive on in silence.) 

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts? Comments?
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
